This talk was given at a local TEDxSnoIsleLibraries event and produced independently of the TED Conferences. Sarri Gilman has found that clear boundaries enhance relationships and the quality of life.
Sarri is author of “Transform Your Boundaries,” which she based on insights gleaned from decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist. She is the founder of two organizations that support the needs of children and teens facing homelessness. In both, she created partnerships and unique programs to increase the chances of success for youth in overwhelming circumstances.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
I CANNOT SURVIVE these circumstances WITHOUT VIABLE professional AND TRUE PERSONAL support ..... .. and I am the ONLY LIVING ENTITY who CAN SAY NO or YES when Tsunamis strike. Even during NDEs, individuals are faced with CHOICE ......
Great talk! I love your calm, soothing voice. I am learning how important boundaries are. They help you learn who the good people are in your life. If you have narcissistic abusers in your life and you try and set boundaries, you will get gaslit, yelled at, thrown off the pedestal they put you on, and they will project all their stuff on you and blame you for any difficulties they are having in life. Walk toward people who respect your boundaries, and run away from those who can't.
both parents were narcisstic, did not know I could have needs. Did not know how to set boundaries, learning to say No and realizing people get mad when you do, calling you selfish and other choice words but it feels good to not care and finally start caring about me.
This was an amazing talk! I needed to hear this since I grew up in a narcissist family which I didn’t realize until 2016 even though I could see as a child that something was wrong starting with the horrible treatment to me from my mother and my father and my father’s wife and other toxic relatives. I’m struggling to set boundaries but it starts with my compass. I really appreciated this!
Thank you Sarri. Beautiful talk. I believe I have a great, happy and free life overall because I’ve been doing boundary work. Yep- not always easy (going with the ‘no’s are always accompanied by a degree of self doubt and deprecation), and thanks to your talk I can appropriate the challenging times to simply sweating a bit! And thanks to your talk, my courage to keep my boundaries/self-care has been strengthened.
Boundaries are important, everyone needs their personal space, especially from work. Self-care also means letting go of those toxic people in your life, reducing all stress agents is vital for mental health. You many like me, try to eat well, work out but if you have all these negative spaces...your mind will not be one with you. Thus the need for that YES/NO compass. I love how Sarri brings it out.
I'm 22 self-teaching personal relationship boundaries. I had a negative, boundary-crossing environment at home. But I'm fortunate to say I am learning to listen to my own voice, create my own value system, set boundaries and respect the boundaries other people make. This stuff is incredible, and you get to practice it everyday.
my compass has always been cloudy and i called it confusion since both the sides of a coin has its own benifits i thought it was called being understanding by listening to people that my choices took a backseat and i found my boundries violated as soon as i started college this year thanks for this amazing reminder
what a truly inspirational take about interpersonal boundaries and intrapsychic boundaries. The importance of self-care, that we have the right to say no to the demands of everyday life and our family. I look at it this way there is only one of me. This has taken me a long time as my self -belief was about taking care of everyone else unmet needs rather my own especially when you have experienced developmental trauma. Thank you so much Sarri
I was the only child and youngest of cousins and grandchildren. I was always taught to respect my elders and not talk back. I grew up with no boundaries because of this and always kept my mouth shut when I wanted to speak up. I’m 24 years old and just now getting out of this. Looking back my parents didn’t respect my wishes, thoughts, and feelings. I’m sure this played a huge role in that all.
Here it is 6/30/18, and this 12/15 Ted Talk of good boundaries is as important and meaningful as it ever was. Only 16 minutes and I had a reminder of what makes life not only endurable, but brings back the happiness factor! Thanks so much for this amazing TED talk.
Sarri, you are a wonderful human being and you delivered this powerful message with so much love! God bless you!
I always knew how important self care is, but it is so hard to keep up and so easy to lose boundaries as single mother with young children--- how can a mother say no to her little babies, they don't even understand and meanwhile I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. I think moms have to be more intelligent and stronger than others !
What a wonderful, calm talk. I like the slow talking pace, it's like Maya Angelou's. To me, it seems to say - "I don't need to rush what I'm saying out of fear that people will get bored. It's the content of my thoughts that's important. I can be my gentle self if I am the gentle type and still get my strong message across."
Thank you for your work.
Truth! My mother and my father are narcissists which I didn’t learn until 2016, and my father’s wife is a narcissist. Narcissism runs on both sides of my family which I didn’t learn until this past summer. This is why I never learned how to set boundaries.
I stopped doing things in my life completely so i can avoid stress. I don't have a yes or no compass, when i am asked to do something its pretty much always yes.
There is no story , there is no purpose.
I worked for Sarri for 5 years at the teen homeless shelter she speaks of. It has expanded considerably and continues to thrive. I'm so proud of the organization and all its staff for committing their lives to helping those in need. It's a remarkable program that changes lives. You should be so proud every day Sarri. You are an exceptional human being that does great things. You have and continue to make this world a better place for so many.
Chasity Simpson Hi. I just discovered Sarri a few days ago and I had to say that she’s by far one of the best professionals on the subject of setting boundaries and explaining what it is.
Can you please tell me the name of the organization?
Boundries are about self-protection..... I wish that the aggressive responses of toxic and difficult people to boundries were more discussed.... yelling, silent treatment and other passive-aggressive bahavior including underhanded retaliation... All this behavior is very stressful to me.
Tonight I can finally fall asleep. Your words are magical and the way you deliver them are amazing. Please post any more ways to access your talks. I am forever in your debt you have reaching inside my soul.
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