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Caregiver Training: Refusal to Bathe | UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care

1190 ratings | 237988 views
The UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver. To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care, please visit https://www.uclahealth.org/dementia/caregiver-education-videos
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Text Comments (83)
BERNARDETTE chinwe (5 days ago)
Hello friends do you know that immediately we depart from this earth and stops breathing that's when our life starts or begins. The problem is will it be in heaven with the saints and our heavenly father or in hell with demons and fire. We are consciously and unconsciously making that decisions as we live here on earth today. Our body which we have tried everything bad to please on earth is like mechanic dirty and filthy uniform. Our body which has caused us so much pain and sin against our heavenly father will come off and our soul will be left to stand for judgement. God's standard of judgement is very high and he will never change. That's why l am begging everyone to do what l am doing. Continue to beg our heavenly father for grace and mercy and continue to pray with psalm 51. Please check out voices from hell. Researchers from Russia excavated underground and stumbled across horrible screaming voices coming from underground. It's below our feet and happening even today as we speak. Millions are there, some are our family members. With no light, so hot and dry, no food or water, being tortured by fallen angels known as demons. Hell has existed for thousands of years. So my friends this is not drama, or game but reality of anyone of us that goes to hell. The worst part is that it's for eternity. Remember that we are all in this predicament together and we must pray for one another. May our heavenly father have mercy on us amen
J (26 days ago)
Omg I still remember my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s and how stubborn she was :( looking at my dad face back then was heart broken and my mom who tried kindly to wash her but my grandmother spit at my mom 😢
bestamerica (26 days ago)
' i do remembered and helped bath / shower on my mom in the bathtub before
Lenocas Nascimento (28 days ago)
I used to this with my dad in a very gentle and respectful way. I gave him bath,shave cut his hair dress him without a problem
Helen Kiely-O'Regan (1 month ago)
Unfortunately that would never work for my husband. He becomes psychotic if I or anyone tries to get him to shower no matter how we try. He hasn't washed for over two years and before dementia, he used to shower twice a day
Bryan Abes (1 month ago)
Hi Marshal. Exactly. So in your dad's case, you would call him a king instead of a queen.
Odom Tyr (1 month ago)
Get some lovely smelling soaps and gels, aromatherapy helps and having an elegant peaceful bathroom.
Sheila Marie (1 month ago)
This is really awkward 🤣
Patty Digar (2 months ago)
I work with Alzheimer's patients everyday and it is all in your approach , body language, and the tone of your voice !!! They do not like showers so when I do get ready to take the one of my ladies into the shower room I make sure everything is ready first of all and then I say let's get cleaned up 9 times out of 10 I never have a problem but if I say shower they're ready to fight 😥 which is totally understandable ! understandable
Elizabeth Marks-Graham (2 months ago)
2 days MAX no shower after that it’s nessisary maybe have them sit on a bench in the tub and use a cup to bath them so they only have their feet in the water sort of like they did with her
Dawn Lynch (3 months ago)
Yep I'm having the same problem you can't force someone to have a bath or a shower in fact I'm having trouble getting her to eat
Natalie Young (4 months ago)
belly tripper (1 month ago)
to Natalie Young: you can use words now, like, for example **my grandfather has this horrible disease and it hurts me when he does not know me at all!!!! i can not help him!! :((((**
IP Man (4 months ago)
This is HELL.....! I've seen seniors who are like this....terrible.
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Nikole Wynn (4 months ago)
Set up the shower beforehand, even dotting several washcloths with body wash. Playing calming music to relax, a large bench seat, very soft washcloths in a favorite color, warming the room until fully clothed. Many times I washed hair in the kitchen sink another time and styled at the dining table. This helped to make a routine of washing face, checking ears, moisturizing, and nailcare. It should be a relaxing ritual.
4heartandsoul (4 months ago)
At the mention of a shower, my mother cusses me out, sticks her finger in my face and says she doesn't need an audience and no shower, leave her alone on and on. She drops the F bombs right and left and it's just very stressful experience for her, the CNA's in the nursing home helping her , and for me. Just awful. . .But when it's over she always feels so much better, smiles and all is well with the world so to speak. We take a ride to the Dreamette for an ice cream treat - her favorite. Dementia is such a complicated and ugly illness.
Sara Lee Jungle Bunny (13 days ago)
I know what mean I’m a volunteer at a nursing home
jagara1 (5 months ago)
I have so much respect for people who care for people with dementia - you should all be awarded medals and have free holidays.
Marshal Manson (5 months ago)
I don't really think telling my dad he's a queen will persuade him.
FairyGardens TV (7 days ago)
Lenocas Nascimento (28 days ago)
You ll have to find the right words. I did.
belly tripper (1 month ago)
Marshal Manson has no compassion; makes fun of his father with this horrid diSease. **WHAT A LOW LIFE COWARD MARSHAL IS!!**
Diane Berg (1 month ago)
belly tripper you’re a grumpy pants
belly tripper (1 month ago)
Magenta_ Nevaeh (5 months ago)
Going into a caregiving position in a couple of weeks I'm totally scared! For whatever reason I got teary-eyed watching this..I use to take care of my grandma and she passed away but I miss her and helping her get dressed....I'll be watching these videos to help me!
belly tripper (1 month ago)
Joan Mc Grath (5 months ago)
How can any carer, cause terror to the sick eldery folk. Karma will get the evil carers.
Hader Rules (6 months ago)
I find that putting a towel on the shower chair helps as well. It makes the chair softer and warmer.
Cherell LOVE (6 months ago)
makes you wonder how loving they are in homes where the older people are sent
Tessa Taylor-BSB (8 months ago)
I have tried. I am not getting anywhere. I keep sick and the neighbors keep getting sick, what should I do?
Kiley Perry (9 months ago)
An impressive “shocking cuno press” (Google it) loss of memory treatment. Few weeks have passed now, I could say that the way my memory responds grow faster. I`ve got dyslexia and it has helped me with tasks I do everyday at work and home. This is advisable for your brain to keep it more efficient as well as functional. Utilizing this is fulfilling..
Grant Putnam (11 months ago)
What happens when a kid refuses a shower? He gets a beating. What happens when a old person refuses a shower? They get codled. Fuck that shit.
austin hollinger music (10 months ago)
Grant Putnam How stupid of you. The old ways of instilling fear to force compliance have by studies been proven to be ineffective And plus this is a patient with a disease that has no cure
Julia E Lozano Bowman (11 months ago)
Nice video but how to do it all sweetly and calm when you have 20 clients to yourself to change,dress and at least 6 baths that you have to do in an hour. #lifeasacna
tvdavis (1 year ago)
Does anyone with a job & no one to help actually have TIME for all of this? I'm already exhausted from working a full time job, shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, organizing medications, convincing them to eat... It seems like the more you do to help, the more helpless they become, and only seem to "remember" to do things they want to do.
Patty Digar (2 months ago)
tvdavis they do have adult daycare at most nursing homes to give you a break you might want to check into that because that's a very extremely hard job and it is 24/7
Sarah Crain (4 months ago)
tvdavis I am experiencing the same situation. The more I try to help and make my dad's life better. The less he does to help me or himself. It's not always his dementia that I am dealing with. On the good days that he doesn't want to help he says, "I'm sick, I'm old and I have dementia".
Core Cubed2 (1 year ago)
This is a common fear in those with Alzheimer's disease and can be very difficult to manage. These are great tips to try. Additional resources on Alzheimer's disease for family caregivers can be found here as well: http://www.partnersinhc.com/chronic-disease-management/alzheimers-disease/
Ascent (1 year ago)
That's nice but this really isn't addressing why people in very late stages, who can't walk by themselves, can't stand by themselves, can't feed themselves, can't speak, doesn't recognize people, stares off into space, and babbles 60% of the time they are awake (I mean just gone) still freaks out like crazy for even simple things like hair combing never mind, changing clothes, brushing teeth, toileting and bathing. Heck, even sitting him up or helping him sit back can bring with it violent yelling. I'm having a heck of time finding information on WHY this happens even after a person no longer really grasps the basic concept of hygiene. And if is a continued fear of being naked or water or something like that, why isn't 100% of the time and why is it really only profoundly out of control only occasionally? This is really what I'm looking for. We already know how to calm him down and get the tasks done.
Camagu Siko (1 year ago)
Camagu Siko (1 year ago)
Lili Laichici (1 year ago)
can you make a video with residents are abuseing staff and manager is not doing nothing because they have "dementia" ?
Sara Lee Jungle Bunny (13 days ago)
I witness that situation from time to time once someone in my nursing home said bullshit to me while I was doing something else I busted out laughing she didn’t mean it
Sandeep Rai (1 year ago)
plzz call me 9862145048
Brenda G (1 year ago)
My dad has dementia with aggression and he hates taking a bath. Unfortunately he tends to have bowel incontinence, some days more than once and so we have to bathe him more than once in a day when that happens. Otherwise we try to just wipe him on the days he uses the toilet, but lately he hasn't been using it and just going in his diaper everyday. We try and talk to him nicely but he is quite disoriented and doesn't seem to grasp much of what we say. He tries to run away and it can be exhausting cause he is very mobile, fast, and still strong. We usually have to try several times before we can finally bathe him. Then add in the fact that many times he pooped in his diaper and was walking around scratching his butt a lot, causing the fecal matter to fall out of his diaper down his legs and onto the floors of our house. He then steps in it and spreads it all over the house. We cannot get him to sit down to stop stepping in the fecal matter because he doesn't want to listen to us so he just starts pacing back and forth throughout the house really fast, making a huge mess. And we cannot get him into the bathroom to take a shower either so it becomes very frustrating being helpless watching him making a huge mess of poop trail all over the house. He sometimes will pick up some poop with his hands and then smear it somewhere like on the wall or put it in a glass and hide it. Then he starts touching numerous items all over the house with his dirty hands so it becomes a disaster. Sometimes we have to have two people to bathe him because he will push to get away. I have tried over and over again talking to him, telling him there's nothing to worry about, it's okay. That we won't hurt him, we're just going to clean him, but he is very stubborn and still says no and runs or pushes us away. He becomes very hyper when he has just pooped on himself, making it even harder to clean and bathe him. When we try and explain that he is dirty and we need to clean him, that it will only take 5 minutes and then we will take him out or he can have some pizza or something like that, he insists that he is not dirty. So it seems that bribing him doesn't work either. We can show him that he has poop on himself and he will deny that he does even if he is staring right at the poop. I put on relaxing music too. We have to give him either a supplement for stress or anxiety and some medical cannabis so that we can bathe him, but even with that, it can still take up to 2 hours before we can finally convince him to bathe. And then comes the cleaning of the whole house of all that poop which usually takes 3 hours. Last week was the worst. I was by myself with my dad when he pooped in his diaper, and I cannot bathe him myself so I called 2 relatives to come over to help me. They couldn't come right away, took them over an hour and a half to come. In that hour and a half my dad must have pooped more and more and more poop was falling down his legs onto the floor and he wouldn't stop walking and stepping in it. By the time my relatives arrived, there were sections of the house with piles of poop along with streaks of poop in every room. It literally took me 7 hours to clean the house! And that was with the help of my relatives helping me to clean after they bathed my dad. Today my dad pooped in his pants FOUR TIMES! So we had to bathe him 4 times! I'm sure he didn't like it, but neither did we. We get exhausted having to clean him so often and bathe him. My dad acts like he is not afraid of bathing, like we are just bothering him instead. But he will push like hell to get away. We cannot keep spending hours everyday doing this and hours then cleaning up so much poop afterwards. When my dad was well, he was stubborn and defiant towards my mom and I and it almost feels like that part of him is even worse now. It also feels like he just wants to fight because he has never liked being told what to do. It is a nightmare,  to have little control over someone who you are trying to help. And for them to reject your help or fight you because they think they know what they are doing when they clearly don't. I am angry that there is not enough help provided to families who are taking care of a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's. We do have a homecare nurse come 20 hours a week provided by the government, since my dad is on Medicaid. But 20 hours a week is not nearly enough for someone like my dad who needs constant monitoring and who is hyper and aggressive when trying to clean and can cause all kinds of messes around the house. We need at least 40-45 hours a week of a homecare caregiver but the government won't allow that...ridiculous. My dad touches so many things around the house that he ends up doing things that we never even thought of, like he stuffed the laundry sink with some napkins he had in his hand and ended up flooding the laundry room with water cause the washer was on, that leaked down into the ceiling of the basement. He flooded the bathroom once too cause he turned on the faucet, left it on and then closed the drain. He can cause a mess like this in a matter of 5 minutes. So our healthcare system sucks in America.
Bee bopa lula (15 days ago)
Oh Brenda, I feel your pain and can't help to be a little relieved that someone understands. We are going thru this with my dad..so many similarities in your story. My dad hides his poop in odd places..last time it was a shoe. He was a farmer and is very strong..old man strong. He is also still mobile. We put him in a care facility but they kicked him out because he would hit the care givers on many occasions and would bruise them. They sucked anyway..a few times we went past noon and he was in his pull up diaper wrapped in his bed sheet which told us they had not taken to breakfast or lunch.. He's now back home for 3 days and it's time for a bath. My husband a d I will be giving it a shot and that's why I'm here trying to get some tips. I saw your story a d my heart goes out to you. I feel the only way is gonna be thru force but I don't know..best of luck to you.
romzp (3 months ago)
Hi Brenda, gosh that sounds like a nightmare I'm sorry to hear about that. Just wondering if you are still caring for your father and/or if you found anything that worked? I might have some ideas if you still are.
Prestige Health (5 months ago)
I am so sorry to hear about the issues you and your family are having with your dad. It's extremely difficult to work with an aging senior, regardless of a present mental diagnosis or not. We're not doctors here at Prestige, but we've cared for countless aging seniors. From what you are describing, your dad has progressed in his staging. To combat bathing him so frequently, simply use baby wipes and a warm towel in the affected areas. An entire bath should be able to be avoided. Talk with his physician and ask if your Dad can be given a compound creme of Ativan. It's fast acting, can be used regularly as well as PRN, and helps calm the aggression and anxiety in the dementia patient. Unfortunately, our government takes no responsibility in providing long-term care in the home for its citizens. Most persons begin preparing by using a portion of their 401K to cover the cost of in-home care or set up health savings accounts early on to combat costs. Our government does, however, provide state-funded institutionalized living (nursing homes, assisted living, and sometimes independent living facilities) for its citizens receiving Social Security. I'm not sure how long you plan to keep your Dad home, but those are some options you all may want to consider. It would definitely have the pros of having trained professionals on deck to help take care of him, 24-hours a day.
Maxwell Bernstein (8 months ago)
+Brenda G. (But the video was beautiful. Thank you too.)
Maxwell Bernstein (8 months ago)
Thank you for sharing this, it's so important. I don't want to be remembered this way, so you have done a great job of saving my dignity and that of my family. I will end my own life first, instead. Thank you sincerely, with all due respect.
Charmer Gay Geronco (1 year ago)
Luckily for me my patient is not affraid to take bath☺ hope someday to incounter this so that i can exprience how to handle this type of patient☺
zudemaster (1 year ago)
02:00 This is getting hot.......
FairyGardens TV (7 days ago)
Sheila Marie (1 month ago)
I’m crying🤣
Your Ego (1 year ago)
zudemaster hahahhaaa I laughed out loud.
Excellent video! Excellent tips! What a wonderful, gentle, sensitive video! Thank you for sharing. When I was caring for Rose, I had to do just this with her. It is a great lost of their dignity. And it sure is difficult on the caregiver. The Inspired Caregiver book was created to help give peace and inspiration to the caregiver. I am concerned with the alarming rate dementia is growing. A caregiver will be a regular role in most families. Thank you again for such a compassionate, helpful video.
Kregg Kittelson (2 years ago)
Perispinal etanercept is an incredible healing drug that is injected in the back of the neck and the person is laid down on there stomach at about 10 degree angle for 5 minutes. there are many many videos on YouTube under that name of that medicine please research it. my name is Kregg..
Salah Taghouti (2 years ago)
Very helpful ! thanks for the video !!
Kregg Kittelson (2 years ago)
Perispinal etanercept cures dementia,
Bernadette Walker (2 years ago)
It is call caring that loved ones is taking good care of their body .I love how this daughter is being gentle and explains step by step what she is doing.
Seraphina Taylor (2 years ago)
thanks, helpful
Bird1044 (2 years ago)
Prep the shower keep the restroom 78 degrees, cover their back with a towel to keep them warm. Warm the tile or use a non slip bright color mat. Have the shower well lit. Dark is scary. I use a bucket and a chair. I have my dad help me so his motor skill kick in. I also tell dad that he's going to the dr. so he has to smell good. This technique works sometimes but not all the time. Be patient and take your time. Use baby shampoo or dry shampoo. Praise them as they shower never force it. Ask about their sibling or parents to keep the mind of subject. Good luck everyone! Take it day by day and get some rest and eat well for yourself. Some days will be better than others.. take it one day at a time...
Whizper2me (5 months ago)
Bird1044 thanks for this!
Maxwell Bernstein (8 months ago)
Dark/ low light is soothing for those in BWS.
ZeGypsy (2 years ago)
Is it just me or does this seem like a wonderful intro to a porno ?
Rosemarie Newton (7 months ago)
It is just you. Get help.
Stephanie Joudas (1 year ago)
nasty fuck
NordicOnur Honca (1 year ago)
ZeGypsy nothing needs to be said, it's a fact that your life is nothing but sadness and misery.
ZeGypsy (2 years ago)
Sick elderly people need dick too. Don't be a bigot.
IamCrazyChris (2 years ago)
+ZeGypsy Or maybe you're just a sick person. Joking about elderly that are affected by terrible afflictions...beware of karma.
Tual Gochin (2 years ago)
Thank you for sharing your brilliant video clips. It helps me my training course . May God bless.
Krun2k (2 years ago)
I'm my mother's caregiver and I couldn't even begin to bathe her twice a week. I kind of use twice a month as a rule for us because she hates being cold etc. Love these videos tho.
Krun2k (2 years ago)
WOW, I am so thankful for your response. I love all of the help you gave me. The one I can really use is the overheat the bathroom because she always freezes no matter how warm I think it is. My mom was an RN that had also worked in nursing homes and I know that I fail her in many ways except one, the one is that I love to care for her. I'd pray that everyone child can have the gift of taking care of their parent. Karen
Tom Bohley (2 years ago)
+Krun2k One thing I wish that they would have said is that there is no magic bullet here.  What will work for some people, at some times, may not always work.  Having said that here are a couple more approaches that I have had success with as a nurse on a dementia unit: 1. Keep the patient covered by a blanket the entire time- expose only the part of the body being washed, then dry and move on.  2. Reduce the strength of shower spray- too strong of a spray may actually be perceived as pain to the demented patient  3. Overheat the bathroom to near 80 degrees- yes it will be hot for you, but it will be more comfortable to the patient  4. Use very gentle massage like motions instead of scrubbing. 5. Smile- as dementia progresses, non-verbal cues can become more important. 6. If all else fails, stick with a sponge bath or bed bath. A quick sponge bath can easily be incorporated into the daily dressing routine and can be much less anxiety producing for the demented patient.   Good luck Krun2k! And thank you for caring for your mom. It is never recognized, but what you are doing is a heroic act! :)

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